My Enemy..

Sometimes I think I am not the kind of person I usually am. I dont know whether I am good or bad, all I know that I am lost in my decisions.. I am lost in my people.. Im not what I was..I dont know what I am missing but definitely theres something amiss. Wish I could figure it out and make my life complete.. I have everything that a girl my age would want.. a loving family, wonderful friends, an okay job... but there is something I want.. I dont know what.

There are some unfulfilled expectations from people.. cant force people to change. So it seems I have to change my outlook..my expectations and thus, my feelings for them! Im trying to do it..and I hope I will be able to do it soon coz the Dahlia I know is a tough girl. The Dahlia I know is someone who is focussed towards her future, who never gave a damn to what people think of her. All she knows is to Excel....as I write all this now.. I realise I have lost it all.. and then I think I was correct in thinking that I am lost!!

I have stagnated, the world has gone far. I have to double or maybe triple my velocity to keep up with my surroundings..but I lack the urge, the desire! Its the first time that I am feeling dead. I dont want to go and compete with the world over meaningless things. I dont want myself to do what others want me to do.. I want to live on my own..I want to do what I feel like doing.. I dont want to prove my worth, my importance to people. Im tired of that. I dont want to become a puppet I have been since the last 2-3 years.

People who know me would never believe I am writing this.. coz they have known Dahlia, not me.. they dont know that I exist. But I do..and I have taken over Dahlia's life and stopped buzzing. I am my biggest enemy.